3 Ways Mothers are Advocates

My Connected Motherhood Author

Being a parent comes with many responsibilities and as mothers there are often several roles that we play. Today, we want to talk about one role specifically: being an advocate. When we look at how we can be an advocate as a parent there are a few different ways this can take form. We are going to dive into how we, as mothers, can advocate for our children, ourselves and our families.

For Our Children: We can advocate for our children by doing what feels best when it comes to meeting their needs in terms of emotion, well-being, health, development, and otherwise. By trusting your instincts and following your heart, you can advocate for what is going to best serve them. 

As parents, there are so many decisions that we need to make when it comes to guiding our children through life. These decisions might be small, such as what they are going to be served for breakfast or they might be a matter of safety such as what car seat they will use in the car and ensuring they are fastened correctly. We have to make decisions surrounding their education, where we will help to raise them, who will play an important role in their lives. At times, we even need to make decisions surrounding their health and well-being. 

We also make decisions about how we parent them. We decide how we approach sleep and discipline and our relationship with them. There is SO much information surrounding all of these aspects that it can often feel incredibly difficult to know how to approach any of it. It is so important you always remember, you are your child’s best bet and all the answers you need are inside of you. Advocating as a parent means taking the knowledge, research and information out there, and using it to make an informed decision that feels right for your child. 

From unsolicited advice to that in which you ask for, you can take all of it to create the best approach for your child. When it comes to being a parent we truly feel there is no one size fits all approach as it is our job to follow the knowledge and guidance that aligns with your values and what feels right for your little one while saying no to whatever doesn’t feel right instinctually. 

Sometimes being an advocate for our child can also mean pushing back a little bit. When you are advocating for your child in terms of health, you might hit a roadblock. If you don’t feel satisfied with the solution and treatment presented, you can ask for more answers, you can ask for a second opinion. Don’t stop advocating until it feels like you feel like you’ve been reached the best outcome possible. 

For Ourselves: As a parent, your needs matter too. There will be times you may need to advocate for your own needs by asking for help and being intentional about doing what you need to do to take care of yourself and stay regulated so you can parent in the way you have always wanted to.

We say this a lot around here but we will say it again: you matter, too! It is so incredibly important that as parents, we are advocating for our own needs also. When we show up for ourselves we can so much better show up for our children.  

Advocating for our own needs is a critical part of parenting and being the parent we want to be. If you are feeling burnout, defeated or resentful consistently, this makes it so much harder to be a parent who parents gently and peacefully (we are saying this because we have been there). So how do we do this?

One of the best things you can do is know your limit and ask for help. When you need a break, ask for it. If you need your partner to help in a specific way, ask for it. If you need time alone to stay in touch with yourself, ask for it. If you need someone to run an errand for you so you can focus on your baby, ask for it. 

Beyond asking for help, there is the aspect of self-care. As wonderful as a spa day solo sounds, it truly is about more than that. It comes down to being intentional. If you’re like us, getting outside and moving your body can drastically change how your day goes as a parent. So even though your children might benefit also from a nice long walk in the morning (or even a short one!), you can still do this from the mindset that you are also being intentional about doing what you need to stay regulated too! You can be your own advocate by working these types of activities in your daily rhythm. 

Being a mother is amazing, but it doesn’t have to be all that you are. If there is another area of your life that you are passionate about, advocate for still being able to do that in some form. Maybe you loved reading and you can prioritize even 10 minutes a day that you allocate for doing so. Do you miss playing pick up volleyball with your friends? Advocate for the support you need to bring that back into your life. Honouring your passions and hobbies that a part of who you were before kids will only help you in being the best version of yourself as a mother. Just because it doesn’t look exactly like it used too, doesn’t mean it can hold a place in your life in some capacity. 

You’re doing amazing, but don’t forget to make time for you. 

For Our Family: Only you (along with your partner) know what is best for your family. Setting boundaries as an advocate for your family can help to protect your peace. 

Boundaries can exist in the form of saying no, standing firm on not having certain conversations, finding a new medical professional or even setting limits on who you spend time with. You have the right to set a boundary around anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or anxious or that is stealing joy from your journey. 

Advocating to protect the peace on your family’s journey may mean saying no to an event or visitors so you can slow down, reconnect and avoid overwhelm. It might mean saying no to spending time with certain people who refuse to respect how you are choosing to parent. It might mean saying no to conversations with people about things you are not comfortable with or with people who keep pushing advice you have already politely declined. 

Advocating can also mean making changes in who you choose to receive medical checkups, information and treatment from. If your care provider continues to push sleep training or night weaning (as an example), or anything that makes you uncomfortable, not only do you have the right to question that, you also hold the right to search out a new care provide or ask for a second opinion.  

When it comes to family or day care providers who are assisting you with caring for your child, you have the right to set boundaries and request for certain things to be done in a way that works for your family. If your daycare provider insists on using cry it out, you will need to advocate for them to approach sleep differently, or maybe search out another child care provider in general. It is also perfectly acceptable to ask family and friends to respect your wishes when it comes to how they speak to your children, the toys and experiences they expose them to, and to respect when visitors are welcomed and when you need to prioritize family time or sleep. Sometimes it can be as simple as needing to eat dinner by a certain time when you visit so that your children can be in bed on time and getting the rest they need. You can decide what you 3want to flex on and what you want to stay firm on. 

As a parent there may be a lot of boundaries you need to set, even with the people closest to you. One important thing to remember is that generally speaking, the only people who will have a hard time with your boundaries, are quite possibly the ones who benefited from you not having any in place prior. Setting boundaries in all of these areas of parenting do not make you a control freak, stuck up or “crunchy”. They make you an amazing parent who wants to unapologetically do what is for their families. You hold every right to protect your peace.

Categories: : Sleep Without Sleep Training, Motherhood, Parenting, Self-Care, Boundaries, Advocating