Why Consequences Don't Work (and what to do instead)
We were recently reading through several Facebook threads about how helpless families feel in managing their toddler’s behaviour. The messages were consistent, “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I’ve tried consequences but they didn’t work, I don’t know what to do differently”. This got us thinking about how common it is to resort to consequences as a measure in parenting.. read more.
It Starts With You
It starts with you. We know, it feels counterintuitive because we pour so much into our families, but gentle and respectful parenting starts with you. When we choose not to manage behaviours through punishments and rewards and instead choose connection and relationship with our children, it absolutely, without a doubt starts with you. Read more.
Sleep without Sleep Training
At My Connected Motherhood, we are on a mission to connect, support, and empower as many families as possible to get more sleep without the use of any sleep training. Since the ability to get more sleep without needing to use any sleep training is a big part of our messaging, it’s natural that the number one question we get from families is, “HOW do you get more sleep without sleep training!?” We break out our process into four main steps.. read more.
3 Things We Wish We Knew
Now that we are both 4 years into this parenting thing and know so much more about sleep for infants and toddlers than we knew possible, we wanted to take some time to share with you 3 really important things we wish we knew when we started out with our first little newborns! Read more.
Motherhood and the Holidays
The holiday season is fast approaching and for moms, that often means a lot of different things than it used to before we became parents. It might mean making decisions around traditions that place value on “good” boys and girls, or seeing relatives that you see less often who question some of your parenting choices. It also may mean a bit of travel and over stimulation for our little ones because let’s face it, the holidays can be overwhelming for us as adults, let alone babies! Today we’re talking through these four topics to shed some light on our take on all of them and hopefully make the holidays a bit easier for all of you.. read more.
3 Ways Our Children Help Us To Grow
Today we want to start by sharing a quote with you.
“Once children enter our life, their impact is indelible and we are required to reinvent ourselves in response.” - Dr. Shefali Tsabary
We recently came across this quote by the amazing Dr. Shefali Tsabary and it brought us to a point of reflection about how we learn, grow and change as we travel through our journey as parents. When we look back at where we both started over 4 years ago, it is incredible to reflect on how much we have grown alongside our children. We want to encourage you to do the same.... read more.
Normal Infant Sleep
One of the biggest challenges with infant sleep comes from the fact that our expectations of what is “normal” have been heavily skewed by tv, movies, social media, doctors, experts, and even well-meaning friends and family. If you’re expecting your newborn baby to happily nap all day long while you cook elaborate meals, exercise, start a hobby or learn something new, then of course you’re going to feel frustrated when your newborn won’t nap without you or takes short cat naps all day. Whereas if you’re expecting your baby to need a lot of support for naps and during their awake time, you might cherish the 30 minutes you get while they nap on their own! ... read more.
Your and Your Baby's Needs
Recently we were asked how we support families in making parent-led changes if our approach is designed to be baby-led. Today we want to answer this question for you in detail.
So yes, we do provide support to families using the Baby-Led Sleep Approach (co-created by Lauren Heffernan). And yes, we also support families to make parent-led changes using this approach...read more.
Parenting Tools We THINK We Need (and what to do instead)
What parenting tools do you find yourself relying on?
Many of us will list common parenting tools we think we need. Things like praise, rewards, punishments, consequences, these are the things that we hear all the time and are often part of the way we were parented...read more.
10 Things We Want Families To Know About Sleep
Let's chat about infant and toddler sleep. We're sharing 10 things we want all families to know when it come to infant and toddler sleep...read more.
Perspective in Parenting
“The only thing responding to your baby’s cries does is teach them you will always respond to their cries”
Did you read this as a good thing or as a bad thing? We want to take some time to really look at some of the things that are often viewed as negative in early parenthood and see if we can reframe how you see them a little bit.... read more.
Taking the Battle Out of Bedtime
When you hear the word bedtime do you automatically think about the battle about to ensue? If yes, then you’re in the right place. Today we want to take you through 3 key steps to ditching bedtime battles... read more.
10 Reasons We Don't Use ANY Sleep Training
At My Connected Motherhood, we support families to get more sleep without using ANY form of sleep training. We define sleep training as anything that goes against your instincts as a parent or uses separation (whether physical or emotional) to modify your child’s behaviour. Today, we want to talk through our top 10 reasons.... read more.
A Formula for an "Easy" Baby
Sarah recently welcomed her 3rd baby into the world, which makes it baby number 5 between the two of us, and we’ve learned a LOT about caring for babies over the last 4 years. Today we wanted to share the three things that can make all the difference on how hard or easy you perceive your baby to be.... read more.
Beyond the Quick Fix: The Case for Connection-Based Parenting
One of the most common retorts to connection-based parenting is that it “doesn’t work”. Initially, it looks like babies don’t sleep as well as those who were sleep trained, toddlers don’t behave as well as those who are punished and rewarded, and they may be viewed as “too” dependent.
Now, we know that this approach to parenting is NOT a quick fix. It’s a lifelong journey that is based in relationship and who we ARE to our children, not what we DO. We recently read Atomic Habits by James Clear and so many of the conclusions he drew to the power of habits directly applied to how we parent our little ones.... read more.
Sleep Associations Are Only Negative If YOU Decide They Are
How many times have you heard that you shouldn’t nurse your baby to sleep because it means they will be nursing forever? Have you ever felt guilty for creating a “bad habit” or “sleep crutch”? Have you ever felt that anxiety creep in that you are doing something wrong or failing somehow when it comes to putting your child to sleep even though it feels right for your family?
Sleep associations are only negative when YOU decide they are.
Sleep associations are only negative when they are no longer working for YOUR family... read more.
How to Set Moms Up for Success: Give them realistic expectations
Have you ever thought about where so much of the stress and frustration comes from in motherhood? More often than not it comes from your baby or child not behaving in the way that you expect them to. Or more than that, the way that your family and friends tell you that your baby or child should be behaving.
Think about it. From day one, people ask about how your baby is eating and sleeping. Now this is often well intended but it right away puts pressure on new parents who may be “struggling”....read more.
Fostering Emotional Health: How Supported Tears Help Our Children Grow
What do you do if cry it out isn’t for you? Is there another way to get more sleep without sleep training? Or do you just wait it out hoping things get better?
When it comes to infant and toddler sleep there seems to be two routes that families typically take to get more sleep. The first is the popular and well known approach involves separation based techniques that involve leaving your little one to “cry it out”. Many people are not comfortable with this and feel like their instincts are screaming at them to stop, so they then turn to option two - a no cry sleep solution. This often involves just waiting it out until things get better no matter how much you as a parent are suffering... read more.
8 Things You Need to Know About Night Weaning
Have you been thinking about making a change to your child’s nighttime feeds?
Perhaps you have briefly considered beginning to shift patterns at night, or you may be fully ready to night wean.
Wherever you may be today, we’re talking through 8 of the top things we want all families to know about night weaning.... read more.
Your Baby's Sleep Is Normal, It Is Our Expectations That Are Broken
When speaking to parents about their children’s sleep, we have found that parents spend a lot of time stressing about sleep simply because they think that their babies are not doing what they are supposed to be doing. Parents spend so much time feeling anxious about if their baby is “normal”. It breaks our hearts how often parents will share that they feel like they are doing something wrong because their baby is not doing exactly what everyone else says they should be.
The truth is, your baby is probably already doing what they are supposed to be doing, and the frustration you are feeling likely has more to do with the gap between cultural expectations and biological norms when it comes to infant and toddler sleep.... read more.
Why Schedules Set You Up To Fail (And What To Do Instead)
Have you ever thought to yourself, “if I can just get my baby onto the right schedule everything will fall into place”? Did you then find yourself feeling incredibly frustrated when it didn’t work out to be so simple?
Don’t worry, we’ve been there too.
When it comes to our children’s sleep, trying to follow strict, time-based schedules can actually make things so much harder for us as parents. Still, one of the most common pieces of advice given to parents to manage their child’s sleep patterns is to get them on a generic schedule that’s strictly based on their age... read more.
10 Self-Care Activities You Can Do WITH Your Child(ren)
You’re doing an amazing job taking care of all the little people who depend on you, but are you taking the time to take care of yourself?
Now we’re not talking about some elaborate self-care routines that are riddled with spa visits & massages, but the basics. Are you getting a chance to shower? Are you getting time to decompress? Are you meeting the same needs you ensure are met for your child, but for yourself?
Today we’re giving you suggestions for 10 self-care activities you can do WITH your children... read more.
What Does Attachment Have To Do With Sleep?
At My Connected Motherhood, we spend a lot of time talking about how we provide attachment based sleep support, or sharing about our self-paced courses that are designed to guide parents in making transitions that are rooted in attachment.
But what does attachment really have to do with sleep?
The more families we provide support to, the more clear it becomes to us that the guidance we provide to empower parents has more to do with attachment and relationships, than it has to do with sleep at all.... read more.
Why Bedtime Takes Longer on Nights We're in a Hurry
Have you ever noticed that your baby or toddler tends to fall asleep relatively quickly except the naps or nights when you REALLY need them to go to sleep? Whatever the reason, it seems the only days when they have a hard time settling down are the days where you were really counting on them settling down easily. So why is this the case? We’re going to talk through the top 3 reasons this happens and what you can do to make these days a little easier on everyone.... read more.
Let’s start by clearing up a few things and sharing with you what we are not. As Baby-Led Sleep & Well-Being Specialists we are NOT sleep consultants, we are NOT sleep coaches and we are NOT sleep trainers. So Who Are We?We are the safe place when you need someone to talk to about how exhausting and defeating parenting can be some days. We are the guide to help you see your child for who they really are.... read more.
The Baby-Led Sleep Approach at My Connected Motherhood
The Baby-Led Sleep approach isn’t about a particular method at all. How can it be when it is about every single individual child and their individual needs? The approach is about our connection with them as we meet those needs. Do not be fooled, Baby-Led does not mean letting our little ones run the show. By Baby-Led, what is intended is that we focus on becoming attuned to our baby’s cues and taking it from there. We meet their needs but we also set boundaries and limits where needed. We set limits before we reach our own limits.... read more.