5 steps to get the day back on track after a rough start

How the heck do you get your day back on track when it’s just one of those days with the kids!? You know the ones we’re talking about, right? Where a simple request is met with “no!”, or tears, or maybe, if you’re really lucky, flying limbs. Where you just know everyone’s a little “off” and you feel like it should be bedtime but when you glance at your phone you’re amazed that it’s only 8:30am. We’re pretty sure we’ve all been there before, even if your baby is still a baby. We’ve all had those trialing days as parents.

But what can we do on those days? Do we just call it in and accept it as just an off day? Can we do anything to shift out of a rough start to the day to a more productive and cooperative day?

We think so. At least in most cases.

Today we’re going to walk you through our 5 favourite things to do to get the day back on track when you’re raising little kids.

Acknowledge the situation for what it is. Before we do anything, we want to call it like it is. You might even want to say it out loud, “things are not clicking this morning huh!” or “we’re all having a bit of a hard time today aren’t we” so your little one feels acknowledged too. This can help everyone to just take a second to recognize that things are a little off and that no one is alone in feeling a little dysregulated.

Then take a moment to process what is actually going on. Take a breath and reflect on what is truly going on. Are your children really acting out of sorts or is it your level of tolerance that feels a little lower because of a bad night of sleep or some other unrelated stress? We definitely have had days where we feel like our kids are pushing all of our buttons and having a really hard time but when we reflect back on it at the end of the day it was just us who were struggling as parents, not our children. In some cases we’re feeling completely fine and it’s just our littles who are having a hard time, but in others, our kids are feeding off the stress we’re feeling. Which brings us to our next point.

Regulate yourself. Before you can do anything else, you have to be coming from a regulated place of calm. If you’re feeling flustered and frantic, your babies are absolutely going to feel flustered and frantic because the person they depend on for survival is not their usual “got it altogether” self, and that can be scary. We know this is easier said than done, especially on days where everything seems to be going wrong so let’s break this one down a bit further.

First, take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is not an emergency. This is the quickest way to shift yourself out of the flight or fight zone we commonly hit in these moments. Put things into perspective and take a moment to pause before you respond, so that you’re responding instead of reacting.

Then think of what you need to get to calm. Do you need to have a glass of water? Do you need to move your body? Do you need to go outside? Whatever it is, get yourself feeling a bit calmer so that you can shift back to taking care of them calmly and with confidence!

Meet basic needs (theirs and yours). Once you’re coming from a place of calm, we can take a better look at what’s really going on and meet everyone’s basic needs. In most cases, these really off days are a result of one or more of those basic needs not being met. So take a look at what’s going on. Is your child hungry? Tired? Overstimulated? Bored? Needing to move? In pain? Sick? Whatever it is we want to move to meet those needs of our children so we can bring everyone back to a balanced place of calm.

Then we want to do the same exercise for ourselves. You want to make sure your basic needs are met so you can also thrive and show up for your little ones.

We left one basic need off of this list because we think it’s so important it needs to be its own point, and that is connection and play!

Connect and play. Once everyone’s basic physical needs are met, we need to move to connection needs and what better way to meet those than through play! Play is the way our children connect, learn, and attach to us so never underestimate its power and importance. If everyone’s still in a bit of an off mood, you may need to get extra silly here to kick start the play. Maybe you’re chasing them but you lose all energy and freeze when they laugh. Maybe you just can’t figure out where the toy that was in front of you goes when you look the other way when they take it. Whatever it is, play it up a little bit until you get them laughing and you can see that connection starting to come back on board. Once you see them engaged and playing, you can shift to letting them lead the play while staying close and connected.

Repair any rupture. The final thing we want to do, later on, when things are settled and we’re feeling much closer and connected, is to repair any rupture that may have occurred when things weren’t so calm. Did you raise your voice? Did you impose some undue consequence? Did you act in any way outside of the way you wanted to respond to your child? Let them know that by apologizing and explaining that you shouldn’t have acted in that way and you’ll try to do better the next time. This way our children know that they didn’t deserve our behaviour when we weren’t our best selves and it has the added bonus of modeling apologizing so that they know what to do when they themselves act out of character.

So there you have it. Our 5 ways to get out of a funk on a trickier day. We hope these will help you the next time you’re having just one of those days, but that those days don’t come too soon or often. In the mean time, join our Sleep Without Sleep Training group on Facebook so you can connect with other likeminded parents and navigate parenthood along side them!

Categories: Motherhood, Parenting, Emotion, Toddlers